MY CILINDRICAL LIFE

Now we come to another fork in the road and all I can think about is food . Every day it seems we are encumbered by getting thin yet we are initiated by the commercial world to go out and eat the latest seven thousand calorie concoction, usually a hamburger of massive proportions. The advertisements always suggest that if you cannot eat it all then you should bring a large family of pigmies to help enjoy this meal built for at least fifty two people.

I myself want to be thin but not too thin, because when you are too thin then people suggest a rehab. Because when you are too thin then most people think you are bulimic or anorexic, and those people make me want to vomit, and binge on chocolate chip cookies all at the same time. So in a shunt not to be too thin I hit the Protein sauce a little hard and think Adkins or South Beach and then realize if I want to look like a body builder then I will have to purchase black market anabolic steroids which will eventually shrink my man hood and grow hair on my butt.

I know if I truly want to lose weight I must do it the old fashion way diet and exercise, this will accomplish my weight loss goals in just a year or two, but what if I die in six months I don't want to be buried in a piano crate so I will go on a crash diet consisting of 1000 calories 10% carbs 10% fat 10% vitamins 70% Proteins and 6 days of exercise at a minimum 8 hours a day. Leaving me no time to work so I will have to work at a fitness club to be able to do this, but then again who will hire an overweight fitness trainer? No if I want results and want them fast then I will need to do it the new way I will run on a tread mill while receiving lipo suction and tightening my lap band all at the same time. That should be good for instant results.

My one pet peeve however is the fact that many therapists are filling the heads of the obese, that they became this way because mommy and daddy didn't love them. That could not be further from the truth the reason is because they didn't find a better outlet. I myself enjoy writing and recently discovered a way of avoiding overeating, Stay away from the refrigerator. If this doesn't make sense to all of you let me put it in laymen terms, "your too fat, don't eat that."

my struggle with weight loss has given me a new perspective on life, taken me to new depths in the human understanding that if we just stop eating fast food that will take care of a good portion of the problem. However many feel that if we thrust societies point of view that everyone needs to be thin and good looking to be a winner, and then athletes endorse fast food sponsors what kind of rhetorical message are we sending our children. The problem is not in what we see but what we choose to see and our perception how we view the world. Be thin but not too thin.

I LEFT MY EIGHT TRILLION DOLLARS IN MY OTHER PANTS

WITH TODAYS LESS THAN BOOMING ECONOMY we see something developing here and it is evident because if they don't talk about it in the news then it must be alright. I myself just want my free health care and I don't care what the government does. They can fly out to Easter island and shoot cute little bunnies. Or rent out New York for the night and take their spouse or significant scandalous other out to dinner and dancing.

If this is the way you think, then wake up America needs you to make a change in the way you think. When we began the great bailout all of these companies and banks were wasting money and yet were given eight trillion dollars to help stay afloat. I find it amazing these companies are up and running still and yet over 2 million people are out of work, houses that were foreclosed on are still owned by the banks, and still other home owners are in jeopardy of foreclosure.

Tell me if I am wrong but could 8 trillion dollars have kept every American from foreclosure. Could there then be enough left over to boost economy by the spending of the consumer. Tell me if I am wrong but when credit was offered to a reckless nation who only knew how to spend and not do it wisely would they end up pulling this nation into a recession. Could this be caused by greedy loan officers wanting more than their share of the economic wealth that wasn't there to begin with.

When Ronald Reagan was President we nearly went into a recession and yet did he lend money to a bunch of reckless CEO's? No, He said one simple word which was spend, and out of that simple word new corporations were formed. Have you ever heard of a corporation called Microsoft? I haven't heard them asking for a big bailout. Why because when someone needs a computer; and everyone does, then they go out and buy one. You pay cash you get the goods that's usually how it works.

With the big bailout we pay cash and then since America has ADD, the major corporations say things like, " Ooh look Obama's offering free healthcare." Diverting our attention as they get away with eight trillion dollars of Tax payers money. At least Bernie Madoffwitmymoney said he was sorry, but the CEO's are just saying I'm sorry I didn't ask for more, I could have used another billion dollars in caviar and crystal champagne.

For that kind of money you can do a lot and still have some left over. So I took the liberty of coming up with a few ideas of what you could do with the money given the same amount of time it took these businesses to spend it, or hide it. You could hire a new president and a congress that actually know what they are doing. You could throw a giant party for all America, terrorist are not invited. You could actually help Americans stay in their homes, but that would make sense. You could start new businesses and the employment rate would drop I don't know somewhere around zero, duh! You could pay to restructure America and abolish credit, now imagine no more phone calls from creditors instead you would receive calls from salesmen thanking you for using cash, what a beautiful thought that would be.

People from other countries call America the great Satan, but right now we are not even smart enough to be thought of as the great imbecile. Wake up America if we don't start asking these questions then get ready for marshal law around the clock. We are the land of the free and the home of the brave, my country love it or leave it. If change has come to America you better be ready to fight for your freedom.

GADGETS ARE SO 5 MINUTES AGO

When we look at the down side of the economy we see a spiraling dismal outlook on society as a whole. However when you look at the latest craze of Cell phones and Laptops there is a soliloquy of new distractions. So we rush out to buy the new thing only to find out that five minutes later there are upgraded and better models of the same .

I remember when I was a child I used to say things like, "Ah that's not fare he got more than me." That is the marketing strategy of today. We are little kids hunting down the best deals for the most we can get and we want it yesterday. If we can't get it we will complain to each other about the negative connotations of the product when deep down we know we want it even when we don't need it.

Another marketing strategy is if it makes them appear cool then everyone will think that I look cool. This is successful in that if Shia Labeouf has the latest Iphone then a short fat balding man could look the same to a gorgeous 20 year old supermodel just by flashing his cell phone. If that worked then you would see Angelina Jolie married to Don Rickles.

they should put an application on the Iphone which Hypnotizes your date into thinking your handsome, or rich because we now know that Iphones can now be obtained for a small amount of cash at Wal-Mart so just by owning one you will not be thought of as wealthy. Maybe they could make an application where you could have imaginary friends and each of your imaginary friends could say how cool you look talking on your new Iphone.

However you are stuck with the Iphone where all your friends say to you, "ooh is that the newest model which has a laser beam that can cut a man in half?" This is a great party trick almost as good as putting my new air book in a manila envelope. When this happens your reply is, "no it's just a simple five minutes ago Iphone, thanks for asking though."

SAVE THE WILD AMERICAN

There is an epidemic of mass proportions and it is sweeping the nation's political avenue.We the people have a say in it as long as we sit quietly by and do not make a stir about it.
and sarcastically speaking those lousy republicans always try to kill the party by making sense, how dare they. The democrats in office do so much for the people like reform Health care but let's put that aside for more important issues like helping those wild critters who can feed themselves yes we are talking about the wild mustangs. The Democrats are passing a bill that will give these horses and burros $700 million dollars.
Well I see a lot of good coming from this as wild horses aren't starving so maybe they will use the money to reform Horsy healthcare. Or that Horsy unemployment rate will drop. We can even count on better housing for the Horsy. Or they can throw one big party and have an all you can eat oats and barley buffet. Horses around the nation will come and those republicans aren't invited because they were against the bill.
Horses are smart, why because they don't have committees deciding what's more important. when they are hungry they eat, and when they need exercise they run, that's their Job. Millions of people are still out of work because men thought they would sit around and make decisions that they thought were best for you and me. However I am one of those people who are still out of work, my landlord threatened to kick me out of my home if I did not have $1600.00 to pay back rent, and yet wild horses will have something they don't even know the value of.

My kids will have to pay back a deficit of 8 trillion dollars but help out those wild horses, lord only knows that they can't find the grass on their own

My Perfect Day

My Perfect Day
by
Jeff boutwell

I awake in the morning by birds chirping in the midst, and I am surrounded beautiful trees and flowers. I hear something in the distance and realize it is not so distant, it is the sound of ocean waves crashing in my back yard

I think for a moment did I tie my dog up last night? and if i did was it really my dog? If it was it's too late for he would be lost at sea because my back yard is nothing but oceanic cliffs for as far as the eye can see.

That is when I reach for the phone and dial a 1-800 number there are two rings and a voice answers and say's, "suicide hotline how can I keep you alive today?" I answer briefly, "i won't be in need of your services today for I feel that life is far too good to end it all, and besides I used up all my bullets last night when I went fishing in my back yard.

At that moment the fellow on the other end of the line begins to tell me, "why you filthy rotten..." But before he can finish I quickly hang up and run to my kitchen for a cup of coffee and it is there I realize I don't own a coffee machine no I own a cappuccino machine and a barista named Juan Valdez who picks my beans one at a time and carries them through the mountains of Costa Rica avoiding the federalies who enjoy a good cup of java while hunting down the cartel.

I digress as I take another sip of the fragrant aromatic dispensary cup of goodness. That is when it hits me how on earth am I going to get that full size Hummer out of my living room, I believe I put it there to be a center piece for my coffee table when I built the house around it.

Ah yes this would be a start to a perfect day and yet I am still humbled by the fact that I can only pay cash for all of this. In the distance I begin to hear something and it sounds as though it is a wild animal of some sort, with anticipated joy I begin to listen carefully then I recognize it it is the guy at the drive through window saying, "you want fry's with that?"