My Perfect Day

My Perfect Day
by
Jeff boutwell

I awake in the morning by birds chirping in the midst, and I am surrounded beautiful trees and flowers. I hear something in the distance and realize it is not so distant, it is the sound of ocean waves crashing in my back yard

I think for a moment did I tie my dog up last night? and if i did was it really my dog? If it was it's too late for he would be lost at sea because my back yard is nothing but oceanic cliffs for as far as the eye can see.

That is when I reach for the phone and dial a 1-800 number there are two rings and a voice answers and say's, "suicide hotline how can I keep you alive today?" I answer briefly, "i won't be in need of your services today for I feel that life is far too good to end it all, and besides I used up all my bullets last night when I went fishing in my back yard.

At that moment the fellow on the other end of the line begins to tell me, "why you filthy rotten..." But before he can finish I quickly hang up and run to my kitchen for a cup of coffee and it is there I realize I don't own a coffee machine no I own a cappuccino machine and a barista named Juan Valdez who picks my beans one at a time and carries them through the mountains of Costa Rica avoiding the federalies who enjoy a good cup of java while hunting down the cartel.

I digress as I take another sip of the fragrant aromatic dispensary cup of goodness. That is when it hits me how on earth am I going to get that full size Hummer out of my living room, I believe I put it there to be a center piece for my coffee table when I built the house around it.

Ah yes this would be a start to a perfect day and yet I am still humbled by the fact that I can only pay cash for all of this. In the distance I begin to hear something and it sounds as though it is a wild animal of some sort, with anticipated joy I begin to listen carefully then I recognize it it is the guy at the drive through window saying, "you want fry's with that?"