Newest Phlegmatic Response

WHAT'S NEXT!!!

When I think back on a time when The hair cuts were business in the front and party in the back, that pretty much meant that we were just trying to figure out a new way out of the drug infested 70's when your grandparents were so high that they couldn't figure out how wide the bottom of their jeans should be. Ah the remeniscing of a time that sucked becuase technology consisted of an 8 track tape player and a six pack of beer. However in my time which was the eighties revealed  the invention of the compact disc everyone said that the disc would never make it through the 90's but geuss what the new millinium is here and what do we listen to the compact Disc and now we use them for everything, burning ileagal music, playing frizbe with the dog, gaining access to locked doors and looking at the sun through The center hole during a total eclipse,

 I remember when the cassette tape had only one use... Well two uses if you count the hours you tried to real the tape back in the cassette when it had come undone while listening to your favorite tune. It was only then you would find out that when you placed it in the player it would unreel itself again. No now with the Compact disc we have many uses but what is that, we are now reverting to the MP3 player times are changing with the way we listen to our music. What next implants placed in our frontal lobes so that when our eyes are bugging out of our heads we know the music is too loud. Oh wait while I was writing this they just came out with a new invention called the smart phone which can hold all of your music and give you games to play on a daily basis and let you text other people. It also makes the business mans life very easy with all of the smart apps. But what about people who aren't that smart what do they get? Some one should invent a smart phone for lower than average people and call it a dumb apps smart phone.(be careful how you say that)


With the way technology is changing the way we live our lives there are some who are still living like the old days and actually using land line phones. They most likely own vinyl records, dress in plaid leisure suits and drive an  AMC Pacer; to most of you kids that is a car. These people are what I like to refer to as the phlegmatic's of society, they get no rise out of technology. If some one would invent a super computer that could build a house for you and pay you to move in. They would just simply say, "No thank you I will just stick to my old M.S. DOS Computer which takes eleven days, three hours, forty five minutes and eight seconds to power up.


In what ever way we view technology, times are changing fast and with all of the new and better inventions out there two years ago seems like thirty. Soon you will hear teenagers saying, "I remember two year ago when I had to flip my cell phone open to answer a call, and now I have to push a button. Technology sure has come a long way. However one thing that will never change is Jesus He always stays the same and He can even make technology more fun. Giving Him the first place in your life can lead to exciting possibilities where everything will be as if you were a child who finally gets to open their presents on Christmas day.Let Jesus show you how wonderful everything can be. Give Him a try ask someone who knows Jesus what it is like to know the most powerful and charismatic leader of all time. Enthusiasm is not just a moment passing it is a lifetime spent with Jesus... 

According to studies conducted and published in the Journal of the American Medical Association,
* Recent statistics suggest roughly seven of every one hundred people suffer depression after age 18 at some point in their lives.
* As many as one in 33 children and one in eight adolescents have clinical depression. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for ages 10 to 24.
* Most people diagnosed with major depression receive a diagnosis between their late twenties to mid-thirties.
* About six million people are affected by late life depression, but only 10% ever receive treatment.
* For every one man that develops depression, two women will, regardless of racial or ethnic background or economic status.
* More than half of all people caring for an older relative show clinically significant depressive symptoms.
* By the year 2020, depression will be the 2nd most common health problem in the world.
These statistics seem pretty depressing, that is because they are. Many blame society and how individuals are treated. It may even seem reasonable to assume that Green house gas emissions are causing depression. Perhaps it is like M. Night Shyamalan's movie the Happening where something in the air was causing people to become darkly depressed and commit suicide, but the only thing depressing about the movie was that I paid $10 to go see it.
I am one who believes that such as beauty is in the eye of the beholder so depression is a choice. As a choice depression can lead to an intoxicating effect. Sadness involves you into deep thought and in deep thought endorphins are released some of which are the same endorphins released when you are happy.

What are these endorphins and how did they get into my brain? Let us look at the word endorphins, it sounds like one is saying en-dolphins. So you have these little things swimming around your brain and they are doing flips and eating pickled haring and making some sort of wierd alien sound. Okay that one doesn't work for you lets try IN-DOOR-FINS, which probbaly have nothing to do with what we are talking about, but it sounds funny.

Depression is a disease but one that can be controlled by the individual. One thing works for those who are depressed that is to find a friend. Any one even if it is a person you see once or twice a week, and pretend they are stalking you if you see them in public somewhere say to them, "are you following me?" This will cause them to do one of two things they will smile and laugh, or they will talk into their sleeve and say, "I think they're on to us." and then run away. Either way you have to admit it is a funny situation.

Funny is an operative word and it denotes that you are having a good time. If you are in a crowd where someone is cracking jokes, while you are listening in and quietly judging, and thinking how can these people be laughing at this irritating guy? Well you have to look at the situation and be glad that same guy is who persuades so many to laugh is not invoking them to beat up the grumpy person who isn't laughing. Consider yourself fortunate and laugh.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.
All throughout the new testament there were people getting healed and what did they do when Jesus told them not to tell anyone, they told anyone who asked. Why because they were clinically depressed because that Jesus had healed them now they could go to work, get married, have a life, and have everything that healthy people have...NO they were dancing in the streets, taking up their beds,running home to see their servants, eating crumbs like little dogs, and the list goes on. Why did they have such joy, because there is joy in the power of God and if you have recieved,used,or have just seen it firsthand you know that Depression cannot get you. If you do become depressed then maybe you aught to realize who you belong to and what He has done for you.
I cannot offer you a quick fix but what I can offer you is this. If you become depressed then go and rent as many funny movies as you can find and watch them until you begin to laugh. After this Go to Jesus for answers...

I AM THE RICHEST HUNDRED AIR OF MY TIME

"I always imagine what I would do if I had a million dollars.

But if I had 14 trillion dollars

I would make a deal with

the men and women in office.

I would pay off the national deficit

on one condition

that these elected officials

would leave office

and promise never to

screw things up again."

GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLE, AND FOR THE PEOPLE. At least that is how the constitution read it, but when you reject the idea the great leaders of this country will be quick to remind you of that and if you don't believe it then they will have you investigated for being a threat to national security.

National security, lets breakdown this word and see if we can come to a conclusion of sorts. First we must look at National, Websters defines national as this; of, relating to, or being a coalition government formed by most or all major political parties. Most or all major political parties usually in crisis. what does this definition fall under does it give precedence to hate groups and militia's. Does it include all acts of terrorism. Perhaps it goes deeper in that it gives the people a sense of Right an wrong. I am not very political, but this definition tells me that it is a group of individuals who tell me what to think and feel. and that when things go wrong it is my fault as well as the fault of the American people who didn't vote.

Lets look at Security; Websters defines security as this; something given, deposited, or pledged to make certain the fulfillment of an obligation. Does this play a role in the debt ceiling or promised tax cuts, or more jobs. Do the men and women in office take pay cuts to full fill the nations security. Do elected officials protect each individual constituent. We keep hearing that they are taking steps to keep these promises. Wait a minute did you say steps? Did they take steps to build a national debt of 14 trillion dollars in a three year period? Did they take steps to assure that millions of jobs would be protected? Did they take steps to assure that off shore drilling was safe for the environment. Did they take steps to assure that our military had the right funding so that we would not be in this condition.

Last week I watched the news and to my alarm there were six shootings in public places including the Arizona massacre. This should not be so. Now as a result people are putting their lives back together, and all of our elected officials seek blame. Why not take steps to keep from having these things happen. I do not see Jared Loughner as being the last of his kind. there are still politically motivated idiots out there and most have been elected to office. As I see it Rhetoric does not kill people, but when life sucks for an individual they usually snap and why is this so. Because the men and women in authority are looking at which rhetorical statement caused which rhetorical incident, instead of fulfilling the obligation they pledged to do when they swore the oath of office.

As a nation we are in crisis and all I can do is voice the concern of an individual who knows from past experience of taking steps to prevent as opposed to taking steps to repair. I love this country and refuse to sit back and watch it disintegrate because of stupidity. we are a prosperous nation, and had that stimulus money gone to the American people instead of big business we would see the economy exploding, please do not ban that rhetoric because an explosive economy would be a good thing.

THANKFUL TURKEY DAY

As I looked in the oven I was overwhelmed with the aroma of a delectable an savory dish that could only be described as yum. I thought to myself that maybe I should put on my raincoat as to keep the drool from soiling my clothes.

That is when It dawned on me the way the pilgrims used to do it had a lot of similarities. How the Indians taught them to use an electric range. How they used to cook some of the meager dishes the night before, and how they used triptophan as a sedative so that they would sleep through the day only to be awakened by the sound of Christmas shoppers early in the morning.

But then I began to think to myself have we lost the true tradition of the holiday. It is not about eating till you burst. It is not about putting up with annoying relatives. Nor is it about ushering the beginning of a holiday season which usually ends in financial disarray.

No it is about coming to a place where we can look around us and be grateful that we are alive and happy even when the latter does not seem to be. When you sit down to that thanksgiving meal, I want you to look at the turkey on the table and think to yourself, " I have it far better than this guy." After all we are not raised and fattened to be a traditional holiday meal are we?

This holds true to the thankful heart that we must carry with us all throughout the year. It is important to remember that where we are is not who we are, and who we are is not dictated by what we have. Happiness can never be acquired it has to be savored throughout ones life to truly know it exists in whatever state you are in...

MY CILINDRICAL LIFE

Now we come to another fork in the road and all I can think about is food . Every day it seems we are encumbered by getting thin yet we are initiated by the commercial world to go out and eat the latest seven thousand calorie concoction, usually a hamburger of massive proportions. The advertisements always suggest that if you cannot eat it all then you should bring a large family of pigmies to help enjoy this meal built for at least fifty two people.

I myself want to be thin but not too thin, because when you are too thin then people suggest a rehab. Because when you are too thin then most people think you are bulimic or anorexic, and those people make me want to vomit, and binge on chocolate chip cookies all at the same time. So in a shunt not to be too thin I hit the Protein sauce a little hard and think Adkins or South Beach and then realize if I want to look like a body builder then I will have to purchase black market anabolic steroids which will eventually shrink my man hood and grow hair on my butt.

I know if I truly want to lose weight I must do it the old fashion way diet and exercise, this will accomplish my weight loss goals in just a year or two, but what if I die in six months I don't want to be buried in a piano crate so I will go on a crash diet consisting of 1000 calories 10% carbs 10% fat 10% vitamins 70% Proteins and 6 days of exercise at a minimum 8 hours a day. Leaving me no time to work so I will have to work at a fitness club to be able to do this, but then again who will hire an overweight fitness trainer? No if I want results and want them fast then I will need to do it the new way I will run on a tread mill while receiving lipo suction and tightening my lap band all at the same time. That should be good for instant results.

My one pet peeve however is the fact that many therapists are filling the heads of the obese, that they became this way because mommy and daddy didn't love them. That could not be further from the truth the reason is because they didn't find a better outlet. I myself enjoy writing and recently discovered a way of avoiding overeating, Stay away from the refrigerator. If this doesn't make sense to all of you let me put it in laymen terms, "your too fat, don't eat that."

my struggle with weight loss has given me a new perspective on life, taken me to new depths in the human understanding that if we just stop eating fast food that will take care of a good portion of the problem. However many feel that if we thrust societies point of view that everyone needs to be thin and good looking to be a winner, and then athletes endorse fast food sponsors what kind of rhetorical message are we sending our children. The problem is not in what we see but what we choose to see and our perception how we view the world. Be thin but not too thin.

I LEFT MY EIGHT TRILLION DOLLARS IN MY OTHER PANTS

WITH TODAYS LESS THAN BOOMING ECONOMY we see something developing here and it is evident because if they don't talk about it in the news then it must be alright. I myself just want my free health care and I don't care what the government does. They can fly out to Easter island and shoot cute little bunnies. Or rent out New York for the night and take their spouse or significant scandalous other out to dinner and dancing.

If this is the way you think, then wake up America needs you to make a change in the way you think. When we began the great bailout all of these companies and banks were wasting money and yet were given eight trillion dollars to help stay afloat. I find it amazing these companies are up and running still and yet over 2 million people are out of work, houses that were foreclosed on are still owned by the banks, and still other home owners are in jeopardy of foreclosure.

Tell me if I am wrong but could 8 trillion dollars have kept every American from foreclosure. Could there then be enough left over to boost economy by the spending of the consumer. Tell me if I am wrong but when credit was offered to a reckless nation who only knew how to spend and not do it wisely would they end up pulling this nation into a recession. Could this be caused by greedy loan officers wanting more than their share of the economic wealth that wasn't there to begin with.

When Ronald Reagan was President we nearly went into a recession and yet did he lend money to a bunch of reckless CEO's? No, He said one simple word which was spend, and out of that simple word new corporations were formed. Have you ever heard of a corporation called Microsoft? I haven't heard them asking for a big bailout. Why because when someone needs a computer; and everyone does, then they go out and buy one. You pay cash you get the goods that's usually how it works.

With the big bailout we pay cash and then since America has ADD, the major corporations say things like, " Ooh look Obama's offering free healthcare." Diverting our attention as they get away with eight trillion dollars of Tax payers money. At least Bernie Madoffwitmymoney said he was sorry, but the CEO's are just saying I'm sorry I didn't ask for more, I could have used another billion dollars in caviar and crystal champagne.

For that kind of money you can do a lot and still have some left over. So I took the liberty of coming up with a few ideas of what you could do with the money given the same amount of time it took these businesses to spend it, or hide it. You could hire a new president and a congress that actually know what they are doing. You could throw a giant party for all America, terrorist are not invited. You could actually help Americans stay in their homes, but that would make sense. You could start new businesses and the employment rate would drop I don't know somewhere around zero, duh! You could pay to restructure America and abolish credit, now imagine no more phone calls from creditors instead you would receive calls from salesmen thanking you for using cash, what a beautiful thought that would be.

People from other countries call America the great Satan, but right now we are not even smart enough to be thought of as the great imbecile. Wake up America if we don't start asking these questions then get ready for marshal law around the clock. We are the land of the free and the home of the brave, my country love it or leave it. If change has come to America you better be ready to fight for your freedom.

GADGETS ARE SO 5 MINUTES AGO

When we look at the down side of the economy we see a spiraling dismal outlook on society as a whole. However when you look at the latest craze of Cell phones and Laptops there is a soliloquy of new distractions. So we rush out to buy the new thing only to find out that five minutes later there are upgraded and better models of the same .

I remember when I was a child I used to say things like, "Ah that's not fare he got more than me." That is the marketing strategy of today. We are little kids hunting down the best deals for the most we can get and we want it yesterday. If we can't get it we will complain to each other about the negative connotations of the product when deep down we know we want it even when we don't need it.

Another marketing strategy is if it makes them appear cool then everyone will think that I look cool. This is successful in that if Shia Labeouf has the latest Iphone then a short fat balding man could look the same to a gorgeous 20 year old supermodel just by flashing his cell phone. If that worked then you would see Angelina Jolie married to Don Rickles.

they should put an application on the Iphone which Hypnotizes your date into thinking your handsome, or rich because we now know that Iphones can now be obtained for a small amount of cash at Wal-Mart so just by owning one you will not be thought of as wealthy. Maybe they could make an application where you could have imaginary friends and each of your imaginary friends could say how cool you look talking on your new Iphone.

However you are stuck with the Iphone where all your friends say to you, "ooh is that the newest model which has a laser beam that can cut a man in half?" This is a great party trick almost as good as putting my new air book in a manila envelope. When this happens your reply is, "no it's just a simple five minutes ago Iphone, thanks for asking though."